Sunday, January 12, 2014


     When I wanted to make a YouTube Channel for analyzing and reviewing games, my main drive for doing so was to gain popularity for my passion.  I daydreamed of doing something I loved and getting "known" for it on YouTube, since I already had a strong passion for it and analyzed games (among other things) often when talking with family and friends.  I wanted to do this because it was already something I loved, and I could be known widely for doing it.  I wanted to be popular.
     I suppose popularity and acceptance  is something that all human beings desire in some small way.  We want to be accepted and liked for who we are, and if we aren't, we may change who we are for other people's sake.  My problem was that my drive to do what I liked- play and review games- was rooted in two things: worldly obsession, and myself.
     I'll admit, I used to be obsessed with games.  They were the first thing I went to after school and the main thing I'd think about during the day.  I would play almost forty-plus hours during the week, which also affected my attitude with families and friends; when playing a game, I would not want to be interrupted, so I would often snap at those who did.  I've never been a very social person in the first place, so games have been a very good outlet of escapism for me, a safe place where a creative introvert would wander to.
     I am a very observant person.  Because of my frequent playtime, I began to noticed particular things in games, which led to my want to create a blog and YouTube channel to review games, mainly indie ones.  I'm a very shy and quiet person, but I'm talented in creative mediums such as writing, art, and voice acting.  It was an ideal dream to be someone popular online, but still be my quiet, normal self who no one at school could see doing such things.
     But since I came back to Christ, I've realized the drive for popularity is a vain one.  It's a drive focused on the self and centered around one's effort and work, not around God and His work on the cross.  I wanted to be popular online because I was quiet and rather "in the background" at school, and I wanted to find fame in a place where anyone can rise up from nowhere.  But God accepts me for who I am, and wants to make me more.  He doesn't want me to change my core, but he does want me to mature and grow, and that's a good thing.
     By wanting to be popular on YouTube, I wanted to work for the wants and needs of one primary source: an audience of people.  I'm not saying that you shouldn't work for people or their needs; rather, one should not put themselves in a position where they may need to cater wholly to an audience's needs.  People are fickle.  Christians and people-pleasers would not get along very well.  (Which is funny for me to say, because I am a long-time people-pleaser, struggling at the moment to get out of that position.)  Getting "popular" on YouTube leads to people looking to me, and I am not someone who people should look to.  People should look to God, and being "popular" can make that hard.
     You know, I wanted to get my blog/YouTube channel for games up and running by March-April 2013.  But it kept getting delayed, month after month, until it came time for me to go to a Christian camp that summer.  I tried to work on the video and finish it before I had to leave for camp, but couldn't, and decided I'd finish it when I got back.
     I thank God that my date for putting the video kept getting pushed off; otherwise, I would have been in a position that would have been difficult to get out of when I got back from camp, a position I would have regretted.  I was actually ready to compromise by beliefs when reviewing games that were pushing religious buttons; in one particular game I'd played, I was ready to say, "I'm Christian, so it's not my thing, but if it's your thing, then go ahead."
     No more.  I had been caught up in the delusion of becoming popular, compromising my own beliefs because of it.  That is not who I want to be anymore.  So please, if you're considering doing something of your passion for the sake of being "popular", please reconsider.  I had a passion for games, and I still do.  But don't let that passion delusion you, and don't make that passion the centerpiece of your life like I did.
     The best thing we can do is use our passion to being glory and pleasure to God.  In my opinion, He's the one who deserves to be "popular", both for other people and in our lives.  Let's bring people closer to Him in the best ways we know how.

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