The Ruler-- Genesis 4:6 7

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Layman's Observations: John 8:28-30

"Fair"

     I remember when I wanted everything in life to be "fair".  If I put the clothes in the wash, you had to put it in the dryer.  If I washed the dishes, you had to put them away in the cabinet.  Sometimes, this feeling that things need to be "fair" come back- right now, it's clinging pretty hard on my back.
     But you know what they say- "Life's not fair".  It's said to acknowledge an unfair balance in a situation, when there's more things given for me to do than to you- if I have to wash and dry the clothes, for example.  "But I already washed the clothes, why to have to dry them?!  It's not fair!" I complain.  The response- "Life's not fair, Naomi."
     Unfairness is seen as reality in this phrase, and, well, it is reality.  It's how life is; unfairness will poke up its ugly head.  But you know what?  God's not fair either.  And because of that, Christians shouldn't be fair.
     No, I'm not saying that God and his followers stand around placing burdens and cracking the whip- though if a Christian is doing that, there's a serious problem (https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke%2011:37-54&version=MSG; see v.46 especially).  What I'm saying is that God's not fair- but in the opposite ways that the world see unfairness.
     When something's not fair, there is an imbalance going on.  Usually that imbalance is to the person saying it's not fair- indicating that their load is heavier than the other person's, or that the other person ruined the balance somehow (cheating in a game, for example, usually warrants cries of, "That wasn't fair!  You cheated!)
     When things are perfectly balanced, it's fair.  And- let's be honest- if God was being "fair" as we define it, all of us would be so weighed down by our sins that we'd all go to hell.
     I know that's not a pleasant thought, but that's what's fair!  But the best part is- God's not fair!  He sent Jesus to die for us, and tipped the balance, taking that weight off out shoulders!  The scales of justice were perfectly balanced, weighing us down, but God took the sin weighing down our side and put it on His side of the scale!  That's crazy- it's not fair, it's not justice!  But it's mercy.  And mercy is an awesome thing.
     And, bringing it all back around- we Christians shouldn't be "fair" either.  Again, when I talk about Christian unfairness, I'm not talking about burdens.  I'm talking about taking the other person's burden, unbalancing the scale by making our side heavier.
     I remember an incident that happened a couple months after I'd come back to God.  I can't remember the exact context of the incident, but I do remember this: I had forgotten to get spoons for the table, and my sister was not happy with me, even though she'd offered to get the spoons (which is why I haven't offered to get them, if I remember correctly).  She openly complained to me about it.
     When this happens, I usually argue right back.  Naturally- if she puts more weight on my side of the scale, I push that weight right back on her side, and add some more weight for good measure.  She had offered to get the spoons- it wasn't fair that she was blaming me now!
     But something . . . something heavenly happened inside me, and I stopped myself.  I was at fault, and I openly said so instead of impulsively arguing- something I don't think I had done in maybe years, or at least hadn't done with God's spirit inside me.
     This stopped her from speaking for a minute, and then she replied that it was okay, and that she was at fault as well (again, I think because she'd offered to get the spoons, which is why I didn't get them.  Or something).
     You see what happened there?  Instead of pushing weight onto each other's scales, God let me accept the weight I was given, and my sister took back the weight in return.  This is what is known as "turning the other cheek", and in the first few months I came back to God, I did this probably for the first time in my life- and when I did so, I felt God working inside of me.
     Now, I'm not trying to put myself up as a role model here (when it come down to it, I can be a horrible human being, to be honest), but I just wanted to provide a personal example.  As Christians, we are called to be unfair- but not in the way you think of when you think of "unfairness".  We are called to be unfairly loving, unfairly gracious and forgiving.  The phrase, "What Would Jesus Do?" comes to mind, and he lived the most unfair life ever, loving those who, by society's standards, didn't "deserve it".
     That is what we must do.  That is what I must do.  That is what you must do.  And we can't do it without God's help.  We want things to be fair.  God wants unfair love to invade our lives- always.

Love Feast

While reading the book "Under the Overpass", a testimony of two Christians who walked America's streets as homeless for five months, I came to a section where they, smelly and dirty from their months on the streets, go to a potluck a church they're visiting is having. A woman welcomes them like they're been acquainted for years, and takes them to a table. In the next paragraph, I came across this line:
"They say that in Jesus's time, eating together was one of the greatest signs of friendship, honor, and acceptance."
Reading that made me think of Matthew/Levi, who gave Jesus a big feast in his house, with tax collectors as the main guests. In "Under the Overpass", the guests at the church potluck were church people and a few homeless, dirty guys; at Matthew's feast, you could say the reverse was true.
If eating together in that time truly was such a great sign of friendship, honor, and acceptance, I wonder how much courage Matthew had to throw this feast. He gave this huge party out of love for Jesus, full of other tax collectors and people Matthew probably accepted when he was a tax collector.
The best part? Jesus accepted them, ate with them! He showed his friendship and acceptance to these sinners, something the Pharisees must have been appalled at. No wonder they "complained against His disciples"; to them, tax collectors weren't people to show this great sign of friendship and honor.
But to Jesus, they were, and are, worth it 100% to Him; being with tax collectors and sinners was something worth his time. And  to Him, every sinner was, and is, welcome under His love, too, because He was there to love and heal them. He honored them, accepted them, and were always worth His time and friendship.
We're all just sinners like Matthew. But God's throwing us a huge feast, too, because he's accepted us and always has. We're asked not only to come as ourselves, but to bring as many people with us as we can.

Popular

     When I wanted to make a YouTube Channel for analyzing and reviewing games, my main drive for doing so was to gain popularity for my passion.  I daydreamed of doing something I loved and getting "known" for it on YouTube, since I already had a strong passion for it and analyzed games (among other things) often when talking with family and friends.  I wanted to do this because it was already something I loved, and I could be known widely for doing it.  I wanted to be popular.
     I suppose popularity and acceptance  is something that all human beings desire in some small way.  We want to be accepted and liked for who we are, and if we aren't, we may change who we are for other people's sake.  My problem was that my drive to do what I liked- play and review games- was rooted in two things: worldly obsession, and myself.
     I'll admit, I used to be obsessed with games.  They were the first thing I went to after school and the main thing I'd think about during the day.  I would play almost forty-plus hours during the week, which also affected my attitude with families and friends; when playing a game, I would not want to be interrupted, so I would often snap at those who did.  I've never been a very social person in the first place, so games have been a very good outlet of escapism for me, a safe place where a creative introvert would wander to.
     I am a very observant person.  Because of my frequent playtime, I began to noticed particular things in games, which led to my want to create a blog and YouTube channel to review games, mainly indie ones.  I'm a very shy and quiet person, but I'm talented in creative mediums such as writing, art, and voice acting.  It was an ideal dream to be someone popular online, but still be my quiet, normal self who no one at school could see doing such things.
     But since I came back to Christ, I've realized the drive for popularity is a vain one.  It's a drive focused on the self and centered around one's effort and work, not around God and His work on the cross.  I wanted to be popular online because I was quiet and rather "in the background" at school, and I wanted to find fame in a place where anyone can rise up from nowhere.  But God accepts me for who I am, and wants to make me more.  He doesn't want me to change my core, but he does want me to mature and grow, and that's a good thing.
     By wanting to be popular on YouTube, I wanted to work for the wants and needs of one primary source: an audience of people.  I'm not saying that you shouldn't work for people or their needs; rather, one should not put themselves in a position where they may need to cater wholly to an audience's needs.  People are fickle.  Christians and people-pleasers would not get along very well.  (Which is funny for me to say, because I am a long-time people-pleaser, struggling at the moment to get out of that position.)  Getting "popular" on YouTube leads to people looking to me, and I am not someone who people should look to.  People should look to God, and being "popular" can make that hard.
     You know, I wanted to get my blog/YouTube channel for games up and running by March-April 2013.  But it kept getting delayed, month after month, until it came time for me to go to a Christian camp that summer.  I tried to work on the video and finish it before I had to leave for camp, but couldn't, and decided I'd finish it when I got back.
     I thank God that my date for putting the video kept getting pushed off; otherwise, I would have been in a position that would have been difficult to get out of when I got back from camp, a position I would have regretted.  I was actually ready to compromise by beliefs when reviewing games that were pushing religious buttons; in one particular game I'd played, I was ready to say, "I'm Christian, so it's not my thing, but if it's your thing, then go ahead."
     No more.  I had been caught up in the delusion of becoming popular, compromising my own beliefs because of it.  That is not who I want to be anymore.  So please, if you're considering doing something of your passion for the sake of being "popular", please reconsider.  I had a passion for games, and I still do.  But don't let that passion delusion you, and don't make that passion the centerpiece of your life like I did.
     The best thing we can do is use our passion to being glory and pleasure to God.  In my opinion, He's the one who deserves to be "popular", both for other people and in our lives.  Let's bring people closer to Him in the best ways we know how.

Good Chess and Bad Chess

     Recently, I have gotten back into playing chess, and watching my sister play games.  As I've played and watch others play, there is something I've observed that I feel I must discuss.  So, I will write about it here:

     There are two types of chess-playing that matter to every player, no matter what level, age, or rank.  I will define them here.
          Good Chess is when a player is focusing on everything on the board, every piece in every area.
          Bad Chess is when a player is focused on a single spot on the board; this usually occurs if there is an area where pieces are being attacked, or if the player has a specific strategy in mind, etc.

     Now, Good Chess is not always good, and Bad Chess is not always bad.  These are simply names I have chosen.  Good Chess can be bad if a player is too busy focusing on the entire board, and not a single important section (if they are being attacked somewhere, for example), and Bad Chess can be bad if the player is so focused on the single spot of the board that they do not look at the pieces around them on the board.
     Also, Good Chess and Bad Chess can also be good.  Good Chess is good because you are noticing and taking in all the pieces around you, thus absorbing all the information possible.  Bad Chess is good because you are taking in the attack or strategy that you want, and are able to avoid/defend the attack or execute your plan, and therefore you have a present plan and have good insight of what is happening at the moment, and how to respond.
     The reason I bring these up is because I have been doing a awful lot of thinking over the past few weeks.  And I have concluded that, as in chess, there are two ways that one can also live that matches with these play-styles.  These are Living for the Moment and Living for the Eternal.
     Living for the Moment mirrors Bad Chess; one is living for what is happening in front of them at the moment, responding only to what is happening right now.  Living for the Eternal mirrors Good Chess; one is living for the eternal goal of heaven, of reunion with God, and therefore seeing everything on earth and putting it in ethereal perspective.
     But, like with Good Chess and Bad Chess, Living for the Moment and Living for the Eternal can be both good and bad.  If you only Live for the Moment, the consequences of doing action right now may be disregarded, but on the other hand, Living for the Moment also lets one focus on what is currently happening, to respond correctly with the current situation.  Living for the Eternal is good because it keeps earthly things in perspective and helps one decide on what's truly important, but if one Lives only for the Eternal and does not focus on the moment, things on this earth (such as family or friends) may be disregarded for the heavenly goal.
     As Christians, I believe it is important to keep a good balance of both, just as in chess it is important to focus on the current and future moves, that take place on the entire board.  We must Live for the Moment for the Eternal; that is, it is important for us to live right now, and not completely disconnect with this earth, but we should also be looking at God, at our heavenly life ahead.
     I'll admit, it's very easy to live only for the moment, to only live for a temporary pleasure right now.  But it's important to keep our moments in perspective, and decide if it's the one we really want to live for.  Dissect your moments, especially when tempted with temporary pleasure; we need to look at out moments in an eternal light.
     What are your thoughts on such things?  Personally, I've struggled with living for what's truly worthy of my attention: God.  What about you?

What This Blog is For

     Written September 23-30, 2013 (if I remember correctly):    

After making the intro video (which has yet to be posted) I realized that (1) I may have made the blog's use a bit unclear and (2) I actually forgot to mention a few things that I plan to do with it.  So, I just want to briefly clarify what it's for:

- First and foremost, this blog is for any messages that are better delivered in text format than video format.  Anything that God is giving me more text-vibes for than video-vibes.  I may occasionally use this for more personal posts and messages as well, as long as they are in relation with the Commission God has given me.

- This blog is also for posting/announcing any other things I plan to create to spread the message of Christ and the Word of God.  What do these consist of, you may ask?  Well, other than the YouTube videos and blog posts, I plan to:

          - Make games.  The games I have in mind to make have their roots in spiritual and Christian truths.  Their purpose will be to challenge your faith, and I pray they can be used to edify your beliefs and faith in Christ.

          - Record and post songs.  This one I forgot to mention in the video, but I have written a few songs (in the past and in recent times), and plan to post them on SoundCloud.  At the moment, there are none up; I haven't recorded anything yet.  (By the way, don't expect anything to professional.  I have my mic, my voice, and my acoustic guitar, all which can be used for the glory of God.)

          - Delve in graphic design.  Specifically, text-based design, mainly consisting of either quotes from the Bible or Christian writers/speakers, or designs I've come up with myself.

          - Review games?  This one is still up for debate.  If I do review games, I will do a few things.  (1) I will review mainly indie titles.  (2) I plan to review in a God-light, with a spiritual point of view and not an earthly one.  Before my faith was renewed, I imagined analyzing games and getting "known", I guess you might say, and I planned to have more of a neutral stand on more controversial titles in the indie market.  That will not happen if I review games; I will review with God by my side, and His light illuminating what I need to see, as with all things.  (3) Though anyone will be able to watch them, I would want to make these reviews especially for parents whose kids may play indie games, since a majority of them don't have ESRBs, and therefore may not know what they're diving into.  This is why I mainly want to review indie titles; some don't get attention enough for people to point out what risks there are in playing them, and I want to try to shed some light on the situation.

     I think that's it for now.  Thanks for reading; any questions or comments, leave them below, or send me an e-mail at mninorbez@gmail.com.  Please pray for me, that my relationship with God will be strengthened through this journey; I will also pray for you, whoever you are, that you relationship can be a strong one.

__________

     Written October 16 and 18, 2013:

After much struggle and consideration, I have decided that I will not do any video game reviews.  Don't get me wrong, I like games; heck, I even want to make a few!  But reviewing them would cause them to have more emphasis in my life, more importance, and I don't want a lust for video games to surpass my love for God.  Do I think video games are evil?  Absolutely not, but I do not want something I like to be used as a snare, to drive me to play games for long hours without any thought for God, as I lived before.

     Recently, video games have looked particularly tempting.  My sister and I were playing a M-rated game on her Nintendo DS, and I have been voice acting every character/voice in the game (I have a love for acting and voice acting as well).  This game has a lot of profanity, and I try to avoid saying any out loud (usually replacing the word with something less offensive or saying, "I'm not saying that," instead of the word, or skipping over it entirely).  Occasionally, however, while playing my roles, I let some words slip; when I do so, those words inch closer and closer from the back of my mind to the front, which is something I do not desire.

     I was at conflict.  I love the game, and I love voice acting every character.  But is that material what God wants me to be spending time with?  Should I be exposing myself to such things?  I realized that, while I want to wallow in the pleasantries of fleeting earthly things, what I truly should desire (and what God wants all people to have) is purity, not only of heart and body, but of mind.  I wanted to continue playing the game, continue in this earthly delight, but it would not be right for me in the long run.  As a long time gamer who is seeking self-control in such things, I can tell you that a game itself can be a fleeting moment: You play and have fun while it lasts, and then it's over, and the credits roll.  What you take out of the game is what truly matters once you've pressed your last button, and I do not want to take such language out of an experience.  Personally, exposing myself to cursing is what puts those words in the front of my mind, and I do not want them there.

     After a discussion over dinner with my mother over my dilemma, I told my sister the next day that I did not want to play the game anymore.  But a few hours later, I went on YouTube and saw that a let's-player had uploaded a video of The Wolf Among Us, a recent TellTale game that is rated M for various reasons.  Even though my consciousness was screaming at me not to click on it, I watched the entire forty-something minutes of the video, and this time, there was in-game voice acting, with about as much cursing as the game I had been playing with my sister, if not more.  But as I thought about it later, I realized I was being a hypocrite.  I told my sister I was searching for purity, but hardly a day after I say so I expose myself to the very thing I said I wanted to avoid!

     Later that evening, I came to a decision.  I had been thinking about giving up games for a time during the month of Easter, for an event my church holds called The Daniel Fast (the Catholic church would know it as Lent).  During The Daniel Fast, which is based on the first chapter of Daniel, one would eat nothing but fruits and vegetables until Easter Sunday, but I thought it would be cool to give up playing games during that time period.  But, Monday evening, I decided I needed to take time now to stop playing games.

     Thus, here we are.  I have decided to give up playing games, watching games, or exposing myself to game-related . . . nouns, until the end of October.  And during the time I would usually do these things, I want to spend time with God, to pray and be in his Word more than I have before.  I want purity of mind, and the only way I can do so is by not letting my mind be defiled.  He is pure, and wants me to be as well.

     So, yeah.  Any questions, comment or e-mail me; my e-mail is mninorbez@gmail.com.  I'll be at a Teen Retreat this weekend, so I will not be able to respond until Sunday afternoon/sometime on Monday.  I hope your weekend is a wonderful one.

     (Also, my apologizes for not posting the video yet; I am still working on giving it subtitles, which is taking quite a while.  I sometimes find it difficult to sit down and do it, since I am easily distracted and called away by many things, but this is what God's called me to do; I can do anything through Him, and that's something I need to truly believe.  Also, for more information about this blog, please refer to this Deviantart post.)